Saturday, September 15, 2007
Its been 2 months? or was it 3 months since I arrived in melbourne. Time had initially passed so slowly that it was so unbearable. But now with exams just around the corner, time is relatively as fast as a speeding bullet. And before u know it, nick and i would be back in singapore. Actually i'm alittle apprehensive about going back.I mean when i first came, all i wanted was for school to start, as with a start, comes the end. And with the end, i could be back in singapore. But things happened and I really dont know what to do and feel when i do get back in singapore. Ok food yes.. who can miss out on all the great food that singapore has? partying at mambo nightz! but is that really what i want? Originally i had dreams, hopes..images of what may, would, could happen. But I guess things will not end up the way i want it to be. Things have gotten awkward..distant..weird.. maybe iterally as far from sg to au but i cant stop myself from feeling the way i did.Or rather, what is puzzling to me is that, I dont understand why this feeling just wont fade away the way i want it to. Why do i still cling onto it so much even though i know its not going to be possible;even though things nv started in the first place. why? why is it that i get upset when i'm alone? why is it that i dont bear to throw/delete/clear the memories. Why is it that nowadays i have to refrain myself from saying the things i want say? why? WHY?!i dont want to be in a situation whereby these feelings stay with me for the whole 4 years. I dont want that to happen. i just dont.. I dont know if i mentioned this before, but i had a very nice dream sometime back, a dream that is nver going to be reality. Maybe that is why people always say that dreams are dreams. Maybe i should change myself.. change myself to suit others. But whats the point of doing that.I dont wanna to be accepted as someone that you want me to be rather i want to be accepted as me, as who i am! Even if it means that i'm boring, stupid, silly, insane, whatever. sigh this sucks.
I miss my friends back in sg. I really do.The friends that friendship were made easily but the bonds forever forged in our hearts. Over here, friendship maybe made easily but there are definately no bonds, no links. Fuck. I've had enough of trying so hard to be a gd friend,I totally have enough. Why is it that i find it so hard to open up to most of the friends that i have made here.I hate this feeling... i totally hate it. Where was the happy go lucky dan? sighz. Perhaps i should really use this chance to learn how to fully control my emotions.
i apologise that this is sounding so blue. i really wish for a hug.. sigh.
around the world in 80 days
[9:52 PM]
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