Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Was reading Tuesday with Morrie for the second time. Although the story did not touched me as much as it did before but i believe i understood its meanings more than before. A quote that i took from the book, " When u learn how to die, you'll learn how to live." I guess this is where my own quote comes in, " Through sadness is where i learnt happiness."
I've been reflecting through my actions regarding the past 3 months and i've came to realised how foolish i was, how stubborn i could get. Both Zhong and Sm gave me very gd advices that i refuse to heed. More like i knew they were right yet i didnt want to change; hence rotting myself away, throwing away the happy carefree side that i had. The worst was to actually shift all the blame onto ht for restricting my life for the 3 yrs that we had together. Its not until now then i realised that all of these problems were actually the cause of my indecsivness and unwillingness to stand up for what i really want. Close friends that i had, Jiahui, Ade and Huijuan are either long gone or we arent close anymore. All this while i had actually blamed that on Ht. But it wasnt even her fault, it was me who didnt want to agrue with her, who placed relationship above that of friendship and also for developing admiring feelings for them as i had really wished for Ht to be as understanding as they were. That also meant that i was comparing ht to them which isnt something that i should have done. I guess i'm just not cut out to be a good boyfriend and friend. But like the sayings go, "Failure is the mother of all sucess" & " What doesnt kill you, makes you stronger." I want to learn from what has happened and be a much better man.
Regrets in life? haha i do have a few and would like to elaborate on 1 of them.
1) Flying. That was something that i shouldnt have left it up to Heng/Suay. Really, thinking back on it, i was really stupid to have done that. Learning proceedures A and not B, so that i can leave it up to "Heaven" to decide forme whether it was better for me to continue with Flying or Squash + Ht. Big time stupid.
Thankful? Alot alot. I have to admit that i havent been a very good friend to all my best buds out there but thanks to all whom have helped me over those shadowed times.To all of you, i really owe u guys alot.
1) Shaomin
2) Joseph
3) Nick
4) Edwin
5) Jillian
6) Zhong
7) Liza
8) Wanyu
9) Neo
10) Alvin
11) Izwan
12) Kenneah Ho
13) Kelvin aka Hamster
14) Sgt Sebas
To an extra person whom i didnt list above, Thank huijuan for being there for me during the Boxing incident, although i admit i said something that i shouldnt have said then but i hope that thats already considered bygones? =)
Take care folks, its time for bed.
around the world in 80 days
[9:43 PM]
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